“And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven” ”
Taking the step to visit a new church as a special needs family can feel intimidating, anxiety-provoking, and down-right exhausting. When our family relocated to Middle Tennessee, we began searching for a new church. But soon into the process, my husband and I became discouraged and felt like we might never find a church home. Both our daughter and our son have rare genetic disorders and complex needs. Joining a church community that fit well with our family took time and determination. I would love for other families to feel embraced the moment they enter a church and avoid the hurt, frustration, and disappointments that we experienced.
It’s not practical to expect every church to be able to provide for families with special needs in every way. Still, I encourage you to consider one or two ideas for how your congregation might be able to better support persons with special needs and disabilities. That’s why I’m sharing five ways your church can prepare to love special needs families.
1. Train Greeters in How to Assist Individuals and Families with Special Needs
Of the churches that we visited, when someone greeted us and held the door open for our daughter’s wheelchair, we felt welcomed. Then, if they took the extra step and asked us if we needed any help or directions, we began to feel accepted. One simple question could make all the difference with a family’s decision of whether or not to return: “How can we help your family today?”
Here are some actions that are especially meaningful:
Locate the Director of Special Needs Ministries or the Director of Children’s Ministries
Point out the family restroom
Ask if there are any other needs or ways you can assist
Avoid making assumptions
2. Make Your Church Disability-Friendly
One Sunday morning we pulled into the parking lot of a large church ten minutes early, only to find that the limited handicap parking spots were full. After squeezing Bethany Grace, our daughter, out of the van into her wheelchair, we pushed her up a hill to the doors. We visited another church for months where the Director of Special Needs would always ensure that a buddy was waiting for Bethany Grace. But my husband, Todd, would need to carry her up two flights of stairs to her classroom, because the building did not have an elevator. Ensuring that individuals can easily physically access the building(s) and feel included communicates care.
Here are some important areas to consider:
Designate numerous handicap parking spaces close to sidewalk ramps
Create additional “Special Needs” parking for families with developmental special needs
Assign a greeter to open the doors
Install automatic handicap buttons throughout the church
Build a family restroom(s) with an adult-sized changing table
Provide a room where families can privately care for medical needs (feeding tube, suctioning, etc.)
Leave space for wheelchairs at the ends of several rows in the auditorium/sanctuary
Ensure there are ramps and elevators for easy access to every area of the building(s)
Make sure hallways and doorways are wide enough for large wheelchairs and walkers
Photo credit: SHVETS Production on pexels.com.
3. Coordinate an Inclusive Special Needs Program
One church we visited did not have a special needs program, but the Director of Children’s Ministries offered to schedule a one-on-one buddy for Bethany Grace each Sunday. Since there was not a designated coordinator, the volunteers were inconsistent. Many Sundays when we arrived, there was not a buddy. We felt like a burden on the church. Families need to feel like they are not a burden on the church.
Once a family works up the nerve to visit a church, it is critical that they feel comfortable with leaving their child (of any age) in the special needs program. Parents need to feel supported in their desire to attend the service, engage in classes or groups, and volunteer in ministry opportunities.
In coordinating a special needs ministry, first consider these critical areas:
Ensure that you have plenty of committed volunteers before offering special needs support
Create an intake form outlining medical, developmental, and mental health concerns
Meet with caregivers to discuss the child’s support needs
Ask for medical professionals to volunteer to help children with medical complexities be able to participate
For comprehensive information on special needs and disabilities inclusion ministry, see Key Ministry’s Resources for Churches page.
4. Consider Sensory and Behavioral Differences
One church that provided consistent special needs support for our daughter overwhelmed our son. The worship music in the children’s and adult services boomed so loudly ear plugs were offered. The loud music and flashing lights triggered migraine headaches for both my son and me. Both children also have a history of seizures, so the flashing lights were a health risk for them. We simply could not attend the overstimulating services. Other persons with special needs might respond to this type of atmosphere with overexcitement, dysregulation, and challenging behaviors.
Here are two great ideas that we have seen in some churches:
Offer a quiet, calm-down room with sensory items
Designate a room where parents can take their children out of the service to sit with other families watching the service on a screen.
5. Offer Supportive Events
Special needs families come with all the ministry needs of an average family plus unique and additional needs. On top of that, they may have fewer resources and be emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically exhausted. Our family discovered a respite day for parents one Saturday per month at a local church. Those three-and-a-half hours provide Todd and me the chance to spend time alone together. We look forward to this event all month long. This might be the only opportunity for some parents to take a break. We began to visit on Sundays due to this outreach ministry. This became our church home.
One of the most meaningful ministries you could offer is a support group. We visited many churches with special needs ministries, but we had difficulty connecting in a small group community due to the nature of our family’s circumstances. Parents may be desperate to connect with others and feel alone and isolated but lack the energy to seek out a community. Caregivers need a supportive community with other parents that can truly relate, empathize, and provide mutual encouragement. These parents also may experience similar faith struggles. One of the barriers to attending a support group may be childcare. Providing respite care may increase the opportunity for parents to attend.
Here are other ways your church can support families:
Text or email asking how you can pray or support the family
Provide meals when the child is ill or in the hospital
Offer an online support community
Train established parents to reach out to new parents
I realize that some of these suggestions may not be practical for your church, depending on your congregation’s size, location, and available resources. I encourage your congregation to team up with other churches in your area in order to provide these ministries to families in the community. Just as the four men went to great lengths to bring the man with paralysis to Jesus, Jesus calls us to love all of His children and to make a way for all persons to come to Him. Above all, special needs families just want to feel loved, accepted, supported, and connected.
What other ideas do you have that can help other churches prepare to love special needs families? Share your success stories and thoughts in the comment section!
Blessings on your ministry to special needs families!
Kristin
Kristin Evans lives with her husband, Todd, and their two children in the Nashville, TN area. As an author and mental health therapist, her greatest passion is walking with others on their journey to deeper emotional, psychological, and spiritual wholeness. As both her children have rare genetic disorders, Kristin especially loves supporting other parents of children with special needs. She hopes that you may find encouragement and support through her two websites and blogs, www.SpecialNeedsMomsBlog.com and www.InspiringWordsfortheJourney.com.
