We’re thrilled to announce the launch of Steph Hubach’s new book “Parenting & Disabilities: Abiding in God’s Presence,” which was released yesterday. Get your copy here.
1. Your previous book, Same Lake, Different Boat is a book that helps ministry leaders and families gain an understanding of disability from both practical and theological perspectives. But a devotional book feels to me like a more personal work, more open about your family’s struggles—and successes —and the insights that have come from being a parent of a now adult son with disabilities. Why did you want to write a devotional book, and why now?
About 20 years ago, both my mom (Darrah Opdahl) and my mentor (Jane Patete) regularly encouraged me to consider writing a devotional for parents of children with disabilities. At the time, my son Tim was still in elementary school, and I really didn’t feel prepared to write on parenting yet. (I had read parenting books by people who had younger children and always approached them with a bit of caution!) One of the benefits of writing a devotional book—especially for busy parents of children with exceptionalities—is that it can be digested in small bites. A 31-day devotional doesn’t have to be read in 31 consecutive days. If you are a parent starving for input, you might read it faster than that! But if you are a parent who is overwhelmed by the demands of life, you might find it helpful to just read it as you are able. A 31-day devotional can also be a 31-week devotional!
In addition, through my job as a Research Fellow in Disability Ministries at Covenant Theological Seminary, one of the topics I have been exploring is the whole transition period from childhood to adulthood for families with a child with developmental disabilities. As one part of that, I interviewed a group of families who have children across a wide variety of ages, looking to hear common themes of concern in their lives. The topics in this devotional came out of those conversations, while the theological framework (the idea of Immanuel—God with us) came out of my study of Scripture, looking at a biblical theology (over-arching themes from Genesis to Revelation) of Immanuel.
2. I love that you have both reflection questions and action steps at the end of each devotional. What overall application do you hope the readers will learn from the stories?
I can’t take credit for the reflection questions and action steps, as Parenting & Disabilities is part of a larger devotional series that has a consistent format. That said, I really like them too! In fact, I wish I hadn’t been limited by word count and format to only address three questions! I think each topic could be enough to start an hours-long discussion with most parents of kids with disabilities that I know! The overall application that I hope every reader walks away with—regardless of the specific topic—is that, for those who put their trust in Christ, God is indeed intimately with us and for us in every moment of our journey through life. Sometimes we forget that. No…usually we forget that. It takes conscious effort to keep that reality at the forefront of our minds when so many needs clamor for our attention. My hope is that the devotional gives each reader the ability to see God’s active presence in their lives in a variety of ways they may not have thought about before.
3. As you were living through the experiences shared in Parenting & Disabilities, did you regularly sense God’s presence in your life? Did you see His leading? For times when you did not sense God’s presence, what helped you most hold onto hope?
My Dad says that faith grows over a lifetime as we look back and see God’s faithfulness in the rear-view mirror of our lives. Much of what I wrote is from a rear-view mirror perspective—faith that has been grown through life experiences. The times I’ve most deeply relied upon God have been the times I felt most incapable as a parent—and most limited as a human being. When I am at my worst, God seems to be most visible. When I am in “I’ve got this mode”—he is no less present, but I am much less aware of all that he is actually doing for me. The beauty of the gospel is that—whether I am at my lowest or my best—either way, God does not love me any less nor does he love me more. His love for me (and my children) is constant and complete. His love for me is not a function of my performance, for Christ has already performed everything perfectly on my behalf. When I remember this, it frees me up—not to perform as a parent—but to love my children as Christ has loved me: deeply, faithfully, sacrificially and with joy. For those times in life when God seems absent, or silent, I try to remember what the Scriptures teach us about the character of God—that He is who he says He is, and He will always do what He says He will do. Trusting Him means embracing those truths—even in times that feel like darkness and silence. Some days I do that better than others!
4. It’s easy to see a life with disabilities as filled with losses, but in this book, you specifically address the many gifts that God gives because of disabilities. When did you begin to see as God sees? In other words, when did you started recognizing the abundance of blessings that God had given you and your family because of disability? Was there a catalyst for starting to recognize these blessings, or just your daily relationship with Christ?
I was blessed, from the very beginning, to have the insight of my mother. On my Mom and Dad’s trip up to the hospital the day after Tim was born, there was snow sparkling on the ground like diamonds. My mom said to me (in summary), “I saw the beauty of that glittering snow and I realized that Tim is going to help us all see this world differently, through his eyes.” That was prophetic. From the first week, in the midst of shock and loss of expectations, I was also given the gift of a positive sense of expectancy. My natural temperament is pretty optimistic. (My son Freddy says, “Mom, you could find something positive during a terrorist attack!”) Yes, I do know how to lament. And I have processed a lot of disability-related grief during different seasons of my life. But, again, I think a very basic trust that God is both great and good is eventually enough for me to believe that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). So often, I think we fail to recognize God’s good gifts to us because we simply aren’t expecting them. Truth be told, we sometimes think he’s kind of stingy. That is a stunningly awful thought if we stop to evaluate it. For again, if we really understand the gospel—and the extent to which He has given on our behalf—God is the mega-antithesis of stingy! When I acknowledge and grieve real losses in life but also anticipate, look for and focus on the gifts God has given—it really helps my perspective.
5. Transformation to becoming like Christ is one of the most important aspects of being a Christian. This book has a whole section on “The Gift of the Undoing of our Old Nature Through the Spirit.” When did you begin to see that the life God has given you and your family makes a pathway for this transformation?
Wow. Good question! I think this pretty much happened right out of the gate. When disability enters a family, it really is a watershed moment. It became pretty apparent to me, right away, how much of a “white-knuckled grip” I had on the steering wheel of my own life. That was clearly going to change. My illusions of control had come smack-dab on a collision course with the good and sovereign will of God in my life. My natural inclination, at that point in my life, was to drive through challenges, largely under my own power. Parenting a child with developmental disabilities was not something we would ever “get to the other side of.” It forced me to come to terms with an entirely different type of dependence on God and interdependence with others. It came early. It didn’t come easily. It still doesn’t sometimes. And God’s transformative work in my life is still very much a restoration project that is a work-in-progress. As my pastor once noted, we probably only make ten yards of progress in our sanctification in this lifetime, and then when we reach our glorification in Christ—we make an instantaneous and complete trip the rest of the way down the football field. Until then, lasting change—which always comes through our participation with God’s work in us by the Spirit—is often a long, hard slog. Maybe God rejoices in those “inches of yardage gained” of our personal growth in the same way we whole-heartedly enjoy hard-earned milestones achieved by our children with developmental disabilities, especially because of how long it can take them to get there!
6. We’ll never become fully like Christ this side of eternity, but we should be continuing to become more like Him. How has transformation to be more Christ-like changed for you over time?
This is always a hard question to answer. People who have known me my whole life might say, “Well, she’s a little better—but she’s still a piece of work!” As a naturally achievement-oriented person, I’ve had to learn to die unto self by dying unto some of my own dreams and my own goals in order to embrace God’s purposes for my life. I’ve heard it said that “picking up your cross” is akin to picking up the instrument of death of self-centeredness in your life. It is the thing that kills your self-centeredness. Specific ways that dying unto self and living unto Christ have changed me the most have probably been largely in the areas of patience, self-control and compassion. (In the analogy from the question above, it’s still “10 yards down, 90 to go!”).
7. Some of the devotionals talk about some of the really difficult aspects of parenting a child with disabilities, like valuing people for who they are (made in God’s image) as opposed to what they achieve; feeling—or actually being—abandoned by family, friends and even the church. Where you have had to forgive others, how have you seen God work to change hearts and minds?
For a long time, the hardest ones to forgive were local teachers and administrators during Tim’s middle school years. Tim had had an amazingly inclusive education all through elementary school, but when middle school approached, our home school district became highly obstructive in frustrating and (honestly) unkind ways. Faced with the choice of engaging in an ongoing battle in the local middle school that would also adversely affect family life for our older son, we made the difficult decision to allow Tim to be placed in a Life Skills class (which was below his academic abilities) in a different school district for his middle school years. Those were long, lonely years for Tim. And sad ones for me. (That was the time period when I wrote Same Lake, Different Boat.)
In retrospect, God used even the hostility of teachers and school officials at our local level to place Tim under the care of an amazing Christian Life Skills teacher in that other district who taught him a spectacular amount of independence during the three years she had him. God used her influence to actually prepare him to function beautifully in high school—back in our home district (under a new special education administration)—without needing an aide at all. At graduation, Tim received a standing ovation from his entire class in our local district. Did those local middle school teachers ever change? I have no idea. Only God knows that. But Tim’s classmates were clearly blessed in ways they will never forget. Again, another example of letting go of what I cannot control and trusting God to work for good. It reminds me of the story where Joseph had forgiven his brothers, and he states, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…”
8. We talk about people living with disabilities as being one of the largest unreached people groups for the gospel—because it’s true! Please share a favorite story of how you have seen God expand His kingdom because of disability.
I think our disability ministry at our local church is probably the best example of that. While our attendance of people with disabilities has gone up and down over the years (due to a variety of factors), it is always interesting to see how such an integrated congregation has a positive impact on new visitors. People notice. They notice how Jesus’ call of the kingdom—his Isaiah 61 reading of the Scriptures in the synagogue (Luke 4) is lived out. I love watching visitors observe my son Tim as he joyfully plays the congas in our church’s praise band. It is paradigm-shifting!
9. Last, you encouraged parents in Parenting & Disabilities to focus on ways in which you see God’s work on display in his or her life. In addition to that thought, what encouragement would you like to leave for the reader of this post?
As we all learn to abide in God’s presence, it frees us up from being so tied to the expectations of the world around us. If you watch too many TV ads, or YouTube videos, or Facebook postings—you will always feel like you have been ripped off. The world says, “You should have more!” More money. More happiness. More freedom. More friends. More therapies. More vacations. More help. More time. More services. More fun. Peter reminds us in 2 Peter 1:3, “His (Christ’s) divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” Fix your eyes on Jesus—and encourage others (including me) to do the same!
In addition to Parenting & Disabilities, Steph Hubach is the author of Same Lake, Different Boat: Coming Alongside People Touched by Disability—First Edition (2006), Updated and Revised Version (2020). In collaboration with Lancaster Bible College, Steph produced a Christian Education DVD series based on Same Lake, Different Boat, which is available on YouTube. She has served as a contributing author for the Ministry Essentials Bible, The Dignity and Sanctity of Every Human Life, and Amazing Gifts: Stories of Faith Disability and Inclusion. Steph’s writing has appeared in publications such as ByFaith magazine, Focus on the Family magazine, Covenant magazine, Breakpoint online magazine, and the enCourage blog. Steph currently serves as a Research Fellow in Disability Ministries and as a Visiting Instructor in Educational Ministries with Covenant Theological Seminary.
