We all need to be encouraged. Life can be hard. Many people keep going, often with very little encouragement.
Parents, for example get tired. Babies are very tiring, especially in the middle of the night. It is hard when we don’t know why they won’t sleep. We doubt our abilities. Parents need others to tell them that they are doing well, that parenthood is the hardest job on the planet (my personal view!!) and that they are succeeding in it.
It can be even harder for parents with a disabled child, especially one who does not give you the reward of a smile or a hug. It is hard when your child doesn’t say “I love you” or “you’re the best Mummy in the world.”
We need to celebrate small steps with parents of a disabled child. “Wow , that is awesome. He held out his hand for a biscuit.”
I know this from a different experience. My husband has advanced Alzheimer’s dementia, and is in a nursing home. The staff there are amazing and pick up every little smile he has for me, saying he is so pleased to see me. They encourage me so much. On a bad day, when he doesn’t respond to me, it is heartbreaking, but then on a good day when he says he loves me, it is amazing.
There is a roller coaster of emotions attached to loving someone who has an illness or disability. There is hope, which then disappears. Even when I get excited about seeing him do things or say things that I thought he had forgotten, I remember what he used to be like, the conversations we used to have, the holidays we went on, the abilities he used to have. The staff say he is lucky to have me. They are very encouraging. They also tell me what a lovely man he is. They pick up on some of his characteristics that he always used to have, saying they can see what a caring and loving man he is must have been. It helps so much.
Photo credit: Georg Arthur Pflueger on Unsplash.com.
At my church, I work for 2 days a week in the care center, which started out as a food bank. We have developed it so that we don’t just feed people, but we help them in many other ways. We seek to empower them and give them skills, opportunities and confidence. I always seek to encourage them in realistic ways.
Today I spoke to a couple with young children. They both had health issues, but were doing their best to be good parents. They were embarrassed and ashamed of needing a food bank. The man was waiting for an operation and had lost his job. He was so grateful for the help we could give with food and children’s clothes. The lady said she thought that they would be criticized. Instead, she received encouragement and praise for how well she was doing with her children. The children appeared to be stable and knew they were loved. The couple not only went away with more confidence and hope, they also said they would like to bring their children to church on a Sunday, something that they never had done before.
Another lady had health issues and was also on a long waiting list to have her child assessed for ASD and ADHD. He was having a lot of problems at school. She was really pleased to receive prayer, both for her health needs and for help for her child. She appreciated being able to share her story. She was unable to buy much for her other child’s upcoming birthday, but we were able to help her out with some beautiful toys. She was so grateful. What I remember most though was the look on her face when we told her how well she was doing in such a difficult situation. She was getting disturbed sleep because of her own pain, but also had to get up in the night for her children. She was amazing just to keep going. We also praised her for having the courage to ask for help, from us as well as family.
Our churches should be places where people are welcomed with love, where there is practical help, where there is provision. They also need to be places where there is encouragement and praise. I know I appreciate it, and the families we serve also do. It doesn’t take money or expertise. We can all decide to be encouragers. It just takes a little thought!
Sue Sutton has nearly 50 years of experience working with people with learning disabilities. She has developed training programs for people working with a variety of learning disabilities and mental health issues. Sue is the author of “Living Fulfilled Lives: Empowering People With Learning Disabilities.” Connect with her on Facebook.
