QUIRKS
Facial expressions and some mannerisms of mine were recently brought up to me as something that someone found irritating. The interesting thing is that this person also has some facial expressions and mannerisms that I find irritating! It was nice to have a good talk to work out some of the differences, but the truth is that many things we do are our own quirks and differences that others recognize in us that we don’t (they are our blind spots) and are sometimes things that others need to love us through, and sometimes simply overlook lovingly.
Quirks might not be just our facial expressions or mannerisms, but ways we do things, ways we think, or even how we deal with others. So when we are working with others, others are working with us or our children or young adults with special needs, we need to step back and ask ourselves if this issue is something to mention or bring up, or lovingly overlook. If it’s simply a quirk—not a sin issue—my suggestion is to learn (and that is a process, sometimes) to overlook the issue in another. Then may others also lovingly overlook some of our quirks—because we have them, too!
PERKS
Do you take time to recognize the lovely opportunities that give us perks to care for our loved one who has disabilities? Sometimes we laugh lovingly and say, “Joey, thank you for this perk!” when we get that closer parking spot or opportunity that helps us along the way. We do admit and are thankful for the times these helps make life a little easier and smoother. Some perks are wonderful helps like:
Handicapped placards for those who qualify
Parking spaces that allow us less walking, especially in inclement weather
Special lines that allow us to keep moving, when we have a loved one for whom sitting for a long time is difficult
Cars, bikes, wheelchairs, and other mobility vehicles.
Photo credit: Alexandra Mirghes on Unsplash.com.
JERKS
Isn’t it true that even when we’re enjoying the perks that make life easier and better in our special needs circumstances, we can still be jerks, be demanding—God forbid—be entitled, and just plain nasty!? Yet, on the other hand, there are others who fit that bill, too. It is difficult to deal with the jerks who sometimes show up, those who make us question what other people are thinking:
People who walk quickly to move in front of us, only to go slower or stop when we finally have the momentum to push a wheelchair that might weigh hundreds of pounds
People who don’t pay attention when we are trying to make our way with mobile children or adults with special needs, who at times are not only very slow, but also very distracted
People who use a handicapped parking space when they do not have a handicapped placard, just to wait there for an ambulatory person to come out to the car, fully mobile, and not following legal guidelines
People who give us dirty looks for taking too long. This is tough because we are always waiting on our loved one and moving slowly, when we’d like to go at a normal pace. We have only one speed choice: slow
People who talk loudly enough for us to hear the irritation we are causing them
People who are frustrated or accusatory when our child is having a meltdown, like we want our child to act this way…..
I could go on, but I’ll let you add your own examples to this list!
WHAT THEN SHALL WE DO?
ALWAYS show grace
PRAY when you are frustrated, or know you are causing frustration for others
Have PATIENCE—it’s a good practice, and an even better example
THINK before you SPEAK
SPEAK kindly
Be GENTLE with others
Take correction when you are sinning and called on it, but if someone is expressing an opinion, then let it go and move on. We can’t please everyone.
Let’s be very intentional in realizing we all have quirks, so let’s be gracious in dealing with the quirks of others, just as we hope they’ll be with ours. Let’s be appreciative and show gratitude for the perks we’re extended, and be careful not to have an attitude of expectation. Instead, we’ll have an attitude of humility and not entitlement, which is arrogant and haughty. And let’s not be the jerks we can so easily identify in others, but not ourselves. May we be Christlike and honor Him in ALL-WAYS!
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey (order at www.cindiferrini.com). They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs. They speak nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways, authored *Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at: www.cindiferrini.com and via social media at: www.facebook.com/cindi.ferrini, www.facebook.com/UnexpectedJourney/ and www.facebook.com/MyMarriageMatters/.
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