Some marriages have moments of disappointment, some have challenges that are discouraging, and some might even be in dangerous and dysfunctional situations that can be devastating.
We might not always have all the answers for each situation in our own marriage; the twists and turns with special needs loved ones complicates the journey! But whether you have a loved one with special needs or not, all marriages may show tire marks on the road that give us cause to stop and see what is needed to make the relationship better.
If you need marriage counseling, you don’t go to a drug rehab counselor. See a marriage counselor. Make sure the counselor has experience and is licensed in your area of need. You need to find someone with whom you can share details and who will help you work to reconciling and/or making your marriage better.
Here are lists to help you determine if you need mentoring or counseling. Don’t be embarrassed. Sometimes meeting with someone helps us to get a perspective that things are better than we might have even thought, or give us direction to make things better.
Photo credit: Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com.
A MENTOR SHOULD BE ABLE TO HELP YOU:
Figure out why you see things differently—and aren’t on the same page: things like money issues, raising the children, etc.
Understand why you’re feeling “stuck” in a particular spot.
Stop doing annoying things, like picking on each other.
Learn to argue and disagree on topics and issues important to you.
MENTORING SHOULD ACCOMPLISH THIS:
Recognize disappointments from dysfunction that needs counseling.
Work through smaller issues because you’re both willing.
Help you get to the next step. We can’t always “see” the next step, but a mentor can.
Help you keep from giving up along the way.
A COUNSELOR SHOULD BE ABLE TO HELP YOU:
Understand how you got into these deep challenges and sin.
Navigate sexual issues: perversion, pornography, intimacy issues, etc.
Identify and get help for mental disorders, depression, etc.
Work through drug, alcohol, or marital abuse and how to conquer it.
Recognize manipulation, narcissism, etc. in either of you.
COUNSELING SHOULD ACCOMPLISH THIS:
Deal with the source of your issues and get beyond just recognizing the issues, to then start working on them.
Help you to forgive each other when you don’t know how.
Help you work through true reconciliation.
Get you moving forward.
Recommend ways for you to have accountability and to maintain stability.
If after several visits, your mentor or counselor suggests divorce, we suggest finding someone who will actually do the hard work with you through the challenges. This work takes time. Divorce is never the only option.
Take time to go through these lists with your spouse. It might open up the opportunity to get the help you need to make your marriage the best it can be! GO FOR IT!
Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share their newest book: Love All-Ways: Embracing Marriage Together on the Special Needs Journey (order at www.cindiferrini.com). They are authors, speakers, and bloggers for several blogging sites on marriage, family and special needs. They speak nationally for FamilyLife Weekend To Remember Marriage Get-a-Ways, authored Unexpected Journey – When Special Needs Change our Course, and have been interviewed on Focus on the Family, FamilyLife Today, Janet Parshall at “In the Market”, Chris Brooks of “Equipped” and various other radio and television venues. Connect with them at: www.cindiferrini.com
