It’s easy to become overwhelmed when your child’s condition is constantly changing, and it seems that each day brings more medical terminology to google. The things we search for online as caregivers are quite interesting at times. Sometimes all the searching just leaves us with even more questions than answers. We put so much weight in the knowledge of our medical team, yet there are times when our children leave even the doctors scratching their heads. There are days when we get bogged down with all the logistics; we fail to treasure the miracle of the moment we are living.
When we see that we’ve landed in the place of unknowns, it is critical that we cling to the One who is known.
Our calendars are filled with color coded schedules, only to have one simple phone call from a provider throw the whole next month into a tailspin. I find myself scrambling to make all the pieces fit again. Often times a new diagnosis means more trips to specialists and more tanks of gas to fill. Some months we wonder which will be drained down to empty first—our gas tank or our patience? Will the new provider have enough experience to guide us in the right direction? Will they see our child—our beloved treasure—beyond the diagnosis?
“I want to know Christ - yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.” Philippians 3:10.
He is unchanging. He is with us. He knows every tear you shed as a parent and caregiver. He knows your weakness. He knows your fears. He is full of grace and mercy. And while we might feel that we’re on a ship in a raging sea—our Father is not shaken. He is steady and sure. He doesn’t leave us without hope.
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Hebrews 6:19.
I look down at my daughter’s complex and failing body, and the list of all the unknowns is endless. Waiting on test results, procedures and reports just adds to the anxiety. It would be so easy to be overcome by the weight of it all. As I tuck her in at night and my salty tears fall on her freshly washed hair, I know not to take a moment for granted. I’m reminded that although her body has most of her medical team currently stumped, Psalm 139:13-14 is still true:
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
I can rest knowing that He knows exactly what is going on with my daughter.
He has a unique and beautiful purpose for her life, even if that means it’s far different from what I envisioned for her. I don’t have to fear being drowned by the crashing waves of this sea, because He promises to take good care of us. I only need to reach out and cling to Him. He is enough for this moment and all the tomorrows to come.
Lord, help me to know you. Help me to believe that you are with me and trust that you will never leave me. I surrender my hopes and dreams to you, even when I don’t understand. Lord, be my strength and my strong tower as I aim to keep my eyes fixed on you. I know that you will be with me no matter how long the storm lasts. Thank you for holding onto me.
Shelly Roberts and her husband have eight children: three biological and five adopted. The youngest three adopted children have significant disabilities. Follow Shelly on Facebook, or on her website Reaching Hearts with Hope.